Sully

A spontaneous post, so please forgive me if it seems a little rushed.

Lately I’ve been feeling quite dead.

It’s been a long term at school. I like to pretend that the simple stress of work and teenage life that almost everyone has to go through hasn’t affected me a lot, but it has. I feel awful.

I feel drained. Like all the bubbly energetic life I had in September has been sucked out of me by a merciless Dementor.

As I said, a spontaneous post, so forgive my kind of crap simile.

But I’ve been feeling down in general too. And I’ve not been telling many people about it.

I’ve just kind of lost my mojo. Passion for life. My desire. My bedrock. My purpose.

What’s the point?

And that question gets asked a lot, by me, and by a lot of people, but I’ve kind of lost my point in life recently. Life has been dictated by tests and exams and marks and academic success and I’ve found it hard to see the bigger picture.

So what’s Sully got to do with anything?

Sully has helped me find my feet again.

Big picture

Lately, I’ve been getting a bit more overwhelmed than usual.

What I mean by this is that, in the midst of all the work and hassle and hustle and bustle of normal life, I’ve not had any time for me, to relax, to reflect, to reminisce, to contemplate life generally.

And having that time is important.

Help

At times, I find myself living a life without a meaning.

A purposeless life. No direction, no solid foundation: just me wondering like an aimless vagabond from day to day, moment to moment.

Some people like that. I don’t.

If depression has taught me anything, it has taught me that I need to think very carefully about what it is that makes me tick. What am I passionate about? What is it that makes it worth getting up in the morning?

For some, they never need to think that deeply. They can just live momentarily, leading a life of hedonism, pursuing pleasure and happiness, and their moments of existential angst are few and far between.

In my case, for better or for worse, I am a deep thinker. I need a solid purpose to my life otherwise my life falls apart.

And that is what has happened over the last few weeks.